More than anything else, look forward to conflicts or disagreements.
In this era, do not lookout for a “God-fearing-man” or a “God-fearing-woman.” The “God-fearingness” of a man or a woman is mostly shaped by his or her religious affiliation. Often, this does not define the person. Rather, it conditioned him or her.
Is it not most of the people you consider to be God-fearing men that pray before opening their shops or offices? Does it stop them from selling fake goods or manipulating the original price of goods? Was Chinmark not you peoples’ definition of a God-fearing man?
Don’t we have plenty of God-fearing men paying tithes to pastors who are yet to pay their workers their salaries? Or you have not seen a so-called God-fearing woman who bows and kneels to call her pastor daddy, but her maid at home sleeps under the staircase and eats leftovers?
In this era, do not look out for physical beauty. He is cute and muscular are all attributes, not the man. She is beautiful and sexy are only accidents, not the essence.
Is it not in our era people enlarge certain parts of their bodies simply because they perceived that their partners prefer them ‘big’? Does it make them have a large heart of love?
My advice to you is, in this era look rather for conflicts, disagreements, misunderstandings, issues, sins. . .
Yeah, it sounds somehow, but that is actually what will help you.
More than anything else, conflicts/challenges reveal the strength or resilience of the person. Disagreements/misunderstandings reveal the way the person thinks and could process things.
If you catch him cheating, do not look merely at the act of cheating; rather pay attention to his reactions and responses. Was he sorry because he was caught? Was he caught because he was sorry? The response and reactions speak more than the act and reveal a lot.
In the Holy Bible, we have an example of Peter and Judas. It was their responses after they sinned, not merely their sin of betrayal that placed one above the other.
When there is a misunderstanding, how does she/he handle it? The issue that caused the misunderstanding is not as important as the reactions. Pay attention to the reaction. That is the one opportunity you have to determine the maturity level of your spouse and choose whether to stay or not.
While you enjoy your partner’s loving and caring side and always long for it, pray earnestly to see his or her angry, sad, and provoked part. Things buried have a way of coming out under extreme emotions of anger or joy.
More than anything else, it is often in a person’s worst condition that his or her real self comes out. If at his or her worst, you like what you saw, or better still, you feel that what you saw can be tolerated or managed by you, then you are good to go.
One of the most unfortunate things that could happen to you is to get married to a man or woman whom you never had time to see beyond their physical looks or your religiously tailored idea of “godfearingness.”
Fr Kelvin Ugwu